Sometimes we surround ourselves with people that although we want and appreciate, ask too much of us or just trying to take advantage of our good personality.
Your sister asks you to take care of your children when you do not have time; your uncle wants to fix the computer just the day are busier.
And of course we all have the typical (false) friend or colleague who has a lot of face and asks for favors not care much about the situation where you are.
If all this sounds familiar, there's a tool that you must implement: learn to say no.
By this I do not mean that you start to be selfish. But what you can not do is put before all else, and leave you at the end of the tail.
I have been so for many years; He preferred to lend a hand to others instead of minding my own business. If someone had a problem, he was running to help him no matter what he was doing.
Until one day I realized I could not continue.
By learning to say I have not managed to give myself the importance that before - and now - gave to others, not belittle or value me as I deserved.
Here I share 10 techniques I use to learn to say no at the right time, prioritize what is important in my life, and not feel guilty for doing so.
1. Why do you have trouble saying "no"?
Before employing a strategy to say no, what is really important is to understand why is it so hard to pronounce that word.
You might think it's because if you give a negative the other person will no longer respect you, love you, or you'll lose your friendship. Or is it simply because you like to please others and do not want to disappoint.
In the first situation you have to realize that if someone loves you, respects or is your true friend will not lose his affection; and if you do it it is because that person had no real feelings for you.
If you are looking for approval from others, you run the risk that if you give someone manipulator discover your weakness and use it to take advantage of you.
2. You're not selfish to say no
Another reason why many people learn to say no is not because they believe that doing so are being selfish by rejecting those who need your help.
However, someone who really is selfish only worry about it and do not feel guilty to give a negative, which is not your case.
In situations like say to yourself that you are not being self-centered to answer what you really feel.
And remember that if someone asks you a favor, you say no, and think you're being selfish, then it is not a person you should relate because their feelings for you are not true.
3. Think of everything you earn to say "no"
You may have the belief that saying "no" is something negative. But think of all the things you are saying "yes" to give a "no" for an answer:
When a friend, colleague, family or partner asks you something you can not do or do not want because it goes against your principles, you are saying yes to keep your inner peace and not betray yourself.
You are saying yes to spend more time with your children, with your family or with friends rather than pass it doing something you do not want.
You are saying yes to have more time for yourself, for your hobbies, and to find your happiness.
You are saying yes to have a less stressful life and can focus on the things that matter to you, not that they care about others.
Whenever someone asks you something you do not want or can not do, and be tempted to say yes, think of all the things that you lose to learn to not say no.
4. Do not seek to be politically correct
In your life you will not like everyone with whom you interact. Nor you will please everyone.
Even when you think you're doing something right to be content to everyone, there will always be someone who does not like or that does not like you.
Or worse: some people just put you good face to take advantage of you and you do them favors, even though deep down you despise them or fall ill.
Do you really want to spend your life doing happy people who do not even care about you? I think not…
5. It is better to say "no" imperfect way to say "yes"
This is the problem with many perfectionists: give many laps to try to find the best way to say no, in the end, they end up saying yes.
They do it because they believe they have found the perfect way to give a negative answer. And all you get is to finish doing what others want.
No matter if you know not explain, if you get nervous or do you ashamed: what counts is that eventually you achieve say no.
If you can not communicate well your decision, I share a trick I use sometimes.
By the time someone asks you something and get nervous or do not know how to answer, tell him think and give him a prompt reply.
When you're in a quiet home, ponders why you want to say no, and write on paper until you have an answer that you think is appropriate.
You do this, you have two options: you can send that response by email, chat message or any other written means if you get very nervous.
Or learning you the words you have written to tell him face to face calmer way.
6. Give a "no" honest
A good strategy is not direct and simple, honest explaining your reasons for this.
Remember that you are not asking anyone's permission to say no: you have the right to refuse if you do not want to, you can not, or do not want.
Accept a compromise is not an obligation.
Do not make any excuses, and give your real reasons to say no.
- I need you to fix my computer. Can you come to my house on Saturday to do?
- No, sorry, I have plans on Saturday with my friends.
- No, sorry, I want to rest Saturday at home because this week I worked too hard and I am tired.
7. Say "no" without explanation
This technique is especially useful with those individuals that do not have a close relationship, or with whom you feel you just approach you to manipulate and exploit.
It is to say no without giving any explanation, without seeking any excuse.
- Can you then help me with this?
- No, sorry, I have no time.
You do not have to explain why you do not have time or do you you do not have time. It's your time, with it you can do whatever you want, and not have to justify or to answer to anyone.
8. Use the technique of "broken record"
This is a strategy that psychologists teach people who are not confident in themselves and who have difficulty learning to say no.
Is basically becoming a broken record, that is, to repeat your same answer over and over again until the other give up.
You should not respond aggressively, but not passive, but do it calmly but imponiéndote in your conviction.
- I need to take care of my kids this afternoon because I have to do X thing.
- Sorry, but this afternoon I can not because I have business to do.
- But no one who can do more than you ...
- I understand your situation, but as I have said, I can not, I is impossible.
- Do me this favor, come on, please ...
- I can not, it's impossible.
By repeating again and again the same speech, at the end the other person will surrender. This is especially useful for people who are very heavy and they try to push you to get what you want.
9. Defer your answer if you do not know what to say
If the other person gets very heavy (as in the previous case), but does not give up and still asking the same favor again and again postpones answering your answer something like "I'll think about it".
- This month I am very short of money. Could you lend me some?
- I have to think about it. Tomorrow / in a couple of days I give you an answer.
- But I need it right now ...
- I'm not good money. I will tell you tomorrow.
This strategy should only be used if really do not know what to do (if you are not sure lend money to your friend or not in the example).
That is, if it is true you want to do that you ask but now can not. If you want to say no, it is best to do at the moment with an honest answer and an explanation, without detours.
10. It offers an alternative to this situation
When someone appreciate or want to ask you a favor, but you really can not fulfill by the fact that it is a good way of saying it is not offering an alternative.
- Could you help me with this? I know you are an expert in this matter and why I need your help.
- At the moment I have many projects and I can not open. But I can recommend to someone who can help itself and is perfect for what you need.
- I invite you to go to the cinema on Thursday afternoon.
- Sorry, I'm busy that day. But we can go on Friday to see the film.
By saying no but giving an alternative to solve the problem of the other person, it will not focus on you're saying no, but be grateful for having been able to help.
At all costs we give a negative response in certain situations by education or social rules.
But remember where you do not want or can not do what they ask you, if you give a yes for an answer you're actually telling you not yourself, your principles and your own personal freedom.
Learning to say no is a skill that you should start practicing if you want to live your own life and not be tied to the decisions of others.
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